My poem “Phantasy” is included in the SFPA’s ‘Eye Of The Telescope’ Dragons issue!
The issue can be read for free here:
I hope you enjoy the poem and I’ll write more soon.
Phantasy
Gardening
I have been trying to deal with some difficult truths lately. It has me angry and weepy and I really don’t want to be either. So I’ve been trying to work through them but meanwhile I can’t get much else done. I kind of want to write about it, but I also don’t want to bleed all over the internet. So I’ll talk about Spring instead.
The days are getting warmer and I’m hoping we are past the frost. I have so many seedlings to put out, plus I have plants coming in that I ordered online. Gardening is great therapy. Digging in the dirt and growing things is something that has always brought me peace. I love to grow heirloom veggies and flowers from seed. This year is much harder than usual because my legs are giving me such difficulty but I’m determined. I feel like things keep getting taken away, and I’m trying to fight it.
I garden for pollinators as much as possible. I cultivate host plants for butterflies, and flowers that will feed the bees. If I were able to I’d dig up my entire yard and make it one big garden. When I moved into this house, it was completely circled with hostas. Ok, I like hostas but this was ridiculous. They were jungle thick and nothing else would grow. I had my brother dig them up along the front of the house so I could put flower beds in and I’ve been working on them ever since. Last Autumn I planted a line of viburnums along my border that should provide privacy, pollen and then berries for the birds. I planted native honeysuckles along a partial fence and I have a passionflower plant coming by mail order. I have a few flowering shrubs coming, as well as a crab apple and serviceberry trees. Last year a small tree out front was struck by lightning so I had it removed and the stump ground. The trees were circled with hostas too, btw, so I had him get rid of those too. Now I have an empty circle, where I’m planning to plant the crabapple when it comes in. Below I’m planting a variety of shade tolerant natives. Today I planted trilliums and lily of the valley, and tomorrow I hope to plant Virginia Bluebells and Sweetspire. I have some coral bells and foam flowers coming and I’m growing new columbines from seed. I want to plant a bleeding heart under there too. I’ll fill in with annual flowers until the bed gets big enough.
On the side of the house I have a small boggy area. I planted some milkweed out there already, and will plant wildflowers and maybe a button bush. I grow veggies in raised beds out back, and in the flower beds out front I have a variety of things. I have coneflower, rudbeckia, coreopsis of all types, snapdragons, salvia, asters, false sunflower, catmint, purple liatris, marigolds, beebalm, and more. I planted a few native grasses last Autumn but I don’t think they made it through the winter. I’m growing purple love grass from seed, and have my little seedlings out in the bed. I have so so many more things to plant but I keep wanting to order more seeds. I think I have a problem. 😉
I’m afraid this is it for now. I need to turn my brain off for a bit and veg out. I hope it’s getting to nicer weather wherever you are. xo
Spring is coming
I keep trying to update this more often and falling behind. I do apologize. I’ve been fighting some pretty bad depression and my pain level has been up. The two are related. I’m trying to fight it but not sure I’m doing a lot. It seems to be impossible to get a therapist unless I go through the online route and I would prefer to see someone in person. However, Spring is coming and I think that will help. I’ve been busy growing seedlings and am eager to get them in the ground.
I had to take Gandalf back. He was terrorizing my cats to the point I had to carry them to the food and litter box and stand guard. I worked with that cat so so much. I sat in the bathroom singing to him for days and days and was excited about each inch I gained with him. But when he finally had run of the house he bullied them. My boy Pumpkin tried to make friends and got beat up for his trouble. That was a ‘whenever they ran into each other’ thing. Circe, on the other hand, he hunted. Circe is a petite little thing, fully half his size. And he would not leave her alone. He hunted her constantly. Every morning I’d wake up to her howling because he had her cornered somewhere. Finally I got up one morning and chased him off her. She had been hiding behind the couch all night and was afraid to go to the litter box so had gone back there. I really hated to take Gandalf back. I liked him and had already gotten attached, and he was so miserable at the shelter. However, the ladies at the rescue told me he was like another cat. He wasn’t hiding like he was and he was coming to them for pets so they were impressed with my cat whisperer skills. I’m trying to do volunteer work for them. I went and took some photos and am supposed to meet with a lady about writing grants for them. Gandalf was doing much better when I was there so I didn’t feel so bad.
Right now my dryer and kitchen table are covered with seedlings. I grow most everything from seed and prefer heirloom varieties. I have tomatoes, cucumbers and melons ready to go out, and I have a variety of flowers. I have dahlias, snapdragons, salvia, columbine, dianthus, petunia, poppies (3 varieties), lavender, four o’clocks, Indian blanket, rudbeckia, scabiosa and a bunch of others. I want a pollinator buffet. 🙂 If I could I’d replace all the grass in the yard with flowers. I’m growing milkweed, dill, fennel, purple love grass and other host plants for butterflies. I have a few things coming in the mail as well and a giant ton of things I want to order but am resisting. 🙂 My credit card can’t take the hit.
I sent a few things out last month. One rejection and one acceptance so far. However, I got suggested edits tonight and I’m not happy with them at all. In the past I’ve had editors suggest changes and most of them time I’ve taken them. But I strongly disagree with the changes proposed to this one and wrote back and told him so. If it comes down to it, I’ll withdraw the piece. That’s depressing as hell.. it was a lift to get an acceptance, but I don’t want it butchered and I really feel like that’s what the edits do. I don’t think they improve it at all. So I’m mostly expecting that’s what I’ll have to do at this point. I only wrote him back a bit ago so haven’t gotten a response but I feel like if he wants to change it that much then I’m not sure why he accepted it. I fear my pique may have been hinted at in my response. So.. what would you do?
This is it for now.
| November scarecrow Ragged in the moonless field Marigold wreathed brow | Shipwreck in the wood Broken cryopods in leaves Frozen crew thawing |
| Shifting desert sands A demonic djinn in flames We’ll burn together | An authentic Wyrm Frozen scales shining in sun The ice its coffin |
Gandalf
I lost two cats the year before last. Merlin was 17 and died of cancer. Jack was 11 and died of insulin resistant diabetes. They took my heart with them. I still have two – Pumpkin and Circe, who I love dearly. I had room for one more but wasn’t ready until recently. I wanted to adopt a cat that was unlikely to be adopted - senior or a shy cat, one that was passed over. I went to the shelter with a few in mind that had been there a long time.
However, there was a cat I hadn’t seen online. He was hiding in a box under a shelf, flattened out with a look of terror on his face, which just broke my heart. The story I was told is that he lived with an elderly lady who had 10 cats. She died and her son, who also lived there, apparently did not call anyone for an extended period. He threw all the cats outside. That was in October. The shelter trapped him last month, neutered him, de-flea’ed him, de-wormed him, and got his shots. However, he was not doing well there. Needless to say, this is the one I took home. They called him Loki, but I had a Loki in the past, so after much deliberation I named him Gandalf.
He’s a gorgeous cat. He has a long coat that is a dark gray with parts of it a smoke coat, with white at the base, so it looks silver, and he has gold eyes. He was very skinny. I set him up in the bathroom at first, with a box in the tub with his food dishes and a litter box. Then I went about trying to befriend him. It has been a struggle. He’s a sweet boy but is terrified of people, which makes me think he’s had some bad experiences.
Days 1-3 Sorry for crap phone pics
I sat in there as much as I was able to, talking to him, and then I started singing to him. I just wanted him to get comfortable with me. He was flattened against the back of the box at first, but I slowly coaxed him out. He likes to be petted and will purr and headbutt my hand for more scritches, but that’s from the safety of his box. Oh and he makes the cutest little air biscuits. ❤ Eventually I got him all the way out of the box, but if I moved too quickly he’d flee. I started leaving the door open so he and my cats could get a look at each other.
A little more out of the box each day, but as long as his butt was in the box he was safe. lol
Finally I got him all the way out of the box
So I started leaving the door open and let him come out on his own terms. He was very cautious at first and my two hissed at him a bit. It didn’t take long before he explored the house and discovered toys. Boy loves his toys. lmao He is quite acrobatic and will do flips and juggle the toys and generally give the toy a what for. I love seeing him getting comfortable. He’s gaining a little weight and is looking a whole lot more comfortable. However, he is still scared of me. 😦 Any time I try to approach him to pet him he runs. I was using those licky treats when he was in the bath. I know he loves to be petted, but he has this fear of being approached and he won’t come to me. So right now I’m not sure what the next move is.
Watching the birds and playing with toys
I’ve tried luring him closer with treats but he’s too cautious. I have never had a cat take this long, but I have no idea what he’s been through either. I have a friend in SC who has worked with cats all her life, so I’m going to see if she has any tips.
In the meantime, I’m just happy to see that he’s happy. I get up in the morning and find that he’s bunched up the rugs burying toys and that he’s torn down the rope from the cat tower. He has little kitty parties while I’m sleeping, apparently. 🙂 My two have not warmed up to him yet but they’ll get there. I’m more worried about him warming to them. He has tried to attack Circe a few times and I’m not having that.
Anyway. I sent out a poem to “The Fairytale Magazine” and have been working on a couple of others. I’ve been in seed mode… this time of year I get seed catalogs and want to buy loads of flower seeds, like I don’t already have hundreds. 🙂 I have a bunch of seedlings started and plan to start more. So I’m looking forward to Spring. Physically, my legs are hurting a lot. I have to get the nerves burned again, which is super painful so I’m not looking forward to it. The last time I literally screamed, but it did help so I guess it’s worth it.
I’ll write more soon. Including some haiku.. for now it’s late and I’m fried. Goodnight.
Writing and books
I’ve been working on a poem all morning and I sent another one out, so I feel like I got something done. I sent a couple others out a week or so ago but haven’t heard back yet. I think the one from this morning is done, but I need to let it sit for a few days. Sometimes what I think sounds good, loses its appeal when I’ve had time to come down from my writing high. 🙂 Do you do this too?
I have another one percolating but I’m not ready for that one yet. It’s for a specific magazine and those are sometimes…feisty. Here’s another question. Do you write to meet submission guidelines or do you try to match up things you’ve already written to submission calls? I do both but I think it flows best when I’m not writing for any particular audience, it’s just something that needs to come out.
We got snow! Quite a bit of it too. The first storm gave us about 3-4″, and the second about 5″. It’s been bitter cold but is warming this week. I saw the orthopedic surgeon, which was very discouraging but I got a few answers I suppose, and I’m trying to hold onto my sanity during the current political toxic dump.
I was scheduled to go meet some of the cats that have been in the shelter for quite a while. I injured myself so had to postpone, but I’m rescheduled for tomorrow. So I may soon have a new kitty to spoil. I just hope it works out and that it gets along with my two.
I got Hunter the first book in The Sandman. I fell in love with it in the 90s and we watched the netflix series together. He started reading it a few days ago and is really liking it. I finished my most recent book and decided to do a re-read. I have the individual issues so I’m having to dig them out of my comics cabinet. I’m currently up to The Doll’s House, if you’re familiar with it. It’s fantastic, of course. In the 90s I was a bit obsessed with comics and collected way too many of them. I never got into superheroes, but I loved the indie comics. Some of my favs were Poison Elves, Starchild, Elric, Conan, Heavy Metal, The Invisibles and a ton of others. In the Sandman universe, I also collected Books of Magic, The Dreaming, and a few short spin offs. Dead Boy Detectives was one of those, and yesterday I saw that it’s getting a netflix show as well. I always meant to read Hellblazer but it had already been going for a long time when I started. Now there’s a new one coming out and I’d like to go to the comic book store and find a copy. I’d like to read the original run when I can buy the TPBs. I still have Preacher in there on the shelf waiting to be read. I recently read ‘Baltimore: The Plague Ships’ and enjoyed that one. Recent books I’ve enjoyed include “Episode Thirteen” and “Don’t Fear The Reaper”. In Episode Thirteen, a ghost hunter show stays at an building previously used for 70s experiments into the paranormal. It’s told epistolary style, which I love, but may not be your cup of tea. “Don’t Fear The Reaper” is the second in Stephen Graham Jone’s series about a native American girl who was obsessed with horror movies and runs into real life horror.
This is it for now. I hope everyone is having a good 2024 so far.
| Walking home at night Past scarecrows with gruesome grins The whispering corn | Abduction folklore Caught in a beam of bright light Probed, tagged and released |
| She lives in a cave Spinning origami prey Beware Shelob’s kiss | Genetic hybrids Mingling with their human prey Toying with their food |
Getting back in the habit
It’s been a week since I’ve posted. That’s no good so I’m trying to get back into the habit. Over the holidays I was spending most of my energy into my shops. Now that’s past I’ve started concentrating on my writing once again. I sent a few things out and am working on something new. Horrortree is a good source of calls for submission in the speculative markets, and there are a few I’m interested in.
I see the orthopedic surgeon on Monday to see about scheduling the knee replacement. I am not looking forward to it but I am sick to death of not being able to get around. He wanted me to hold off because I’m apparently not old enough, but I can’t help that. They burnt the nerves so I’m able to stagger around but I think it’s wearing off. Meanwhile the other knee is getting worse because it’s taking over. I really don’t want to need to do both. I have several things coming up medically. I keep thinking of things I want to do, and then think “Oh I’d better wait until after the surgery” etc etc. I miss tromping around the woods. That was always my happy place.
It’s raining and the wind is blowing outside. I love the sound of the rain hitting the metal vents on the roof. All we’ve gotten so far for snow is a flurry. We didn’t get any last year so I’m hoping we’ll get some this year. They are calling for it. While I’m hoping for snow, I’m also looking forward to growing things in the Spring. I got seed catalogues and have been deciding what new varieties to grow this year. I’m hoping the shrubs I planted survive. They will be a good border and have a high wildlife value. I try to plant natives that will help pollinators and habitat. I didn’t start seeds early enough last year so I’m thinking of starting some soon.
Things with Hunter are the same. I’ve been giving it some thought lately but not really coming up with any answers. If the weather allows it, he’s planning to come down on Sunday. I made up a list of conventions and stuff I want to go to and he’s checking to see what dates he can get off. I’m not sure what costume I want to go with this year, but it’s early. I’d love to get a costume for the Ren Faire too, and for the fantasy/fairy cons.
This is it for tonight. I have two kitties curled up beside me nose to tail, snoozing their heads off. ❤ I still miss my Merlin and Jack all the time. If you’re having snow where you are, keep warm.
Here’s a few scifi/fantasy haiku
| Ghosts on the ship’s bridge telling us we don’t belong temporal rift blues | A fey witch’s spell The Jade princess hexed to sleep The trap has been sprung |
| They came in saucers Invading with wyrd sigils Beaming up our cats | A spellbinder witch Magic rising from cauldrons Hexed words of ruin |
Awards Eligibility 2023
Happy 2024! I hope you all had a good start to the new year.
It’s been brought to my attention that I have not made a Rhysling awards eligibility post for the year. This is the first year I’ve been sending my work out again after a very long hiatus due to health. I’ve been lucky enough to have some of it accepted. If you’ve read any of my work, I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for your support. My packet is on sfpa, not that I’m expecting to be nominated. 🙂
This is not everything I’ve had published this year. I need to post the bibliography one of these days. These are the ones I think best fit the criteria.
- Foxfire – appeared in Eye To The Telescope
- Cinderella – appeared in Strange Horizons
- Coda – appeared in Space & Time Magazine #143
- Halloween Rave – SFPA‘s Halloween issue
- Superstitious – Salt & Mirrors & Cats #1
- Tin Soldier – The Fairytale Magazine
- The Witch Awakens – Heroic Fantasy Quarterly #58
I have some others that don’t fit the criteria, but the list isn’t very long, is it. I’m going to try to do better this year. I need more discipline in my writing and to experiment with some different forms I think. This is it for tonight. We may get our first snow storm of the season this weekend. If you are getting it too, stay warm and off the roads.
A few scifi/horror haiku:
| The sky glows sullen Autumn sacrifices burn Screams rise from the flames | Uneasy creaking Space psychosis or ship’s ghosts? Dead crew on the deck |
| Drifting through jade light Ship caught in the station’s tow A temporal split | Melancholy mood Achromatic option eyes Economy droid |
Post Christmas Blues
I hope everyone had a good Christmas. I just chilled around the house with the cats. 🙂 Speaking of, I need to make an appointment to go look at the rescue kitties. I had an appt before and couldn’t make it but am doing better now. I’d like to adopt a cat that has been there for a while and is having a hard time getting adopted. There is one that’s been there five years that is on my mind. There’s also a couple of senior kitties. My vet tells me to get a kitten but as much as I love them, kittens get adopted. There are a lot of adult cats in shelters that still have a lot of years left and a lot of love to give. They are there through no fault of their own. People have let them down. There’s one there that was dumped off at 12 years old because they were getting a kitten. That sort of thing both pisses me off and breaks my heart.
Christmas is past and the true winter has yet to hit us. It’s cold and dreary outside but the prediction is for next month to get a lot of snow. January and February are when we get it most. This time of year I always struggle with depression more than at others. I know a lot of people do. I tend to get more introspective and to remember those I’ve lost so my mother has been on my mind. I think that you always need your mother. Mine has been gone since I was a child and I still miss her. I found myself at her grave a few days ago. I put some holly on it, for protection and for the season. I know she doesn’t need protection, so probably more for the season. I talked to her a little, although I’m really not certain what I believe about the afterlife or lack thereof. It’s more of a ritual than anything else. I’ve seen this writing exercise promoted every so often where you are supposed to write a letter to your mother, or a similar figure. That would probably be more cathartic than talking to a stone in the ground.
I’m going to try to do volunteer work again. I think it would do me good while doing some good. I’d like to volunteer at both the cat rescue and the bird rescue. The bird rescue has training for baby bird care next month. I might do the transport thing, where I go retrieve the injured birds. That would be easier on me than standing on concrete. The cat rescue is in need of someone to write grants so that may be something I can do.
I’ve been uninspired with my writing lately. I’ve written a little but it’s been a trickle. The seasonal depression probably isn’t going to help with that but making more of an effort to get out might. I don’t currently have much in circulation either. However, as a member of the SFPA, I am eligible for a Rhysling for this year’s poems. Not that I’m expecting to be nominated but I did submit a packet. 🙂 I need to read some more of the other members’ work. Since today is dreary and my big plan is to possibly clean under the sink, I think I’ll work on getting some things out. 😉 This is it for now. I hope everyone is glowing from a wonderful Christmas and if I don’t write before then, I hope we all have a fantastic New Year.
Horror & Scifaiku
| An underground lake Quiet splash in the darkness Dread as wet death nears | Sunrise over clouds An empyreal gold glow Gilding the new world |
| The sky glows sullen Autumn sacrifices burn Screams rise from the flames | Uneasy creaking Space psychosis or ship’s ghosts? Dead crew on the deck |
Here’s a picture of my former feral turned spoiled Princess the Lady Circe. lol
Merry Christmas Eve
I hope everyone has a happy holiday however you choose to celebrate it.
My brother and his family came over today for Christmas dinner. I cooked all day yesterday and today.. yesterday I made desserts and a cheese plate. I made blueberry upside down cake, snickers-oreo pie and peanutbutter cream pie, as well as chocolate peanutbutter chip cookies with walnuts. 🙂 This morning I baked a loaf of spelt bread with flax and pumpkin seeds, and a seafood bake in a sherry-cream sauce for the main course. I also made wassail. That was a first. 🙂 Most of the food was demolished so everyone was happy. It was really good to have people over. We exchanged presents and the boys put a desk together for me. We caught up on everything since we haven’t spoken for most of the year and now they’re gone and I’ve got most of the mess cleaned up. All in all it was a good night.
WIth the Winter Solstice I have had a lot on my mind. It’s a new beginning, and I want to do a ritual to mark it. I dug out my old supplies but that took a while. I’ll start with something simple, and give the house a good smudging. I went out and cut holly boughs to bring inside and I think having a little nature in the house helps. Holly is traditionally for protection. We have twelve lunar cycles, after which there are about twelve extra days. These are tacked on after Winter Solstice, giving us Yule and it’s when the Wild Hunt was at it’s strongest. Holly was one thing people could do to ward against it.
I want to make some changes in my life and relationships in the coming year. More about that another time though. For now, it’s been a long day. I hope you all spend the holiday with someone you care for.
Exploring
So I’ve been pretty immersed in work lately, with the holiday season being my busiest time of year. I’ve been doing everything I know to do to help with sales. And I had a few weeks of people doing Christmas shopping and buying cards but it seems to be mostly over.
I’ll have more time for writing. I have not been giving my writing the attention I should, and my output has been abysmal. I hope to change that, but I think one thing leaving me uninspired is the lack of adventure in my life lately. Hell, not even adventure, just socializing would be a start. In order to do that though I need to put myself out there and it’s hard. I think it gets harder to make friends the older you get. I have a few ideas for how to go about this, but it seems like other things have gotten in the way. I suppose that will be a new year’s resolution.. to get out and make friends. The same goes for dating. I should be dating and I’m not. I’ll work on improving my social life and maybe find some people to have adventures with.
Growing up, I was drawn to dangerous types and situations. This was a problem. In my 20s I started channeling it into more healthy activities such as sky diving and traveling. Then I discovered urban exploration and that became my favorite thing to do. I loved everything about that. The UE community would give places fake names to protect the locations so I’d have to do research first. Once I’d figure out where the places were then it’s a matter of how to access them. Some places have more security than others but you aren’t actually allowed to be at any of them. I was thrown out of one place that had some very active security because part of the place was still being used. It was a hospital with a very, very dark history. Before I was thrown out I saw adult cribs and boxes of recorded patient tapes. I don’t know what kind of tapes they were.. they were big round reels in cardboard boxes, but had the type of tape you see in cassettes. These places are not supposed to leave patient records laying around but I’ve run into that at several locations.
My favorite place to explore was Pennhurst. The place was a huge campus with multiple buildings and tunnels that ran underneath. The architecture was gorgeous. It’s one of the things I really came to appreciate with the exploring I did. Anyway, Pennhurst functioned as both asylum and school, and had a lot of children. These places were set up to run independently, each with their own power plant, farm to grow food, etc. They were their own entities and were generally left alone. Unfortunately, this lack of oversight probably contributed to the rampant abuse. Pennhurst was a particularly bad one and in the 60s a reporter ran an expose on the school and filmed the atrocious conditions the patients were in, the abuse, the overcrowding, and the general lack of care.
Some places I’ve explored are mostly just empty buildings now, and you can only appreciate the architecture and the beauty in decay. Pennhurst, however, left a good bit behind. Little bits of patient lives, pieces of detritus that allowed me to get a glimpse of their lives there. Signs of the children were everywhere. In the tunnels below, I ran across a room that was used as some sort of school and had broken supplies and a creepy clown game. The bathroom had child sized toilets. Upstairs, there were cartoons painted on the walls that had long since fallen to vandalism. There were wheelchairs and an ECT machine. In the tunnel I came across a hair salon, complete with old timey chairs and a cart full of shampoo, razors and soap. I also came across a bomb shelter that was fully stocked. It was boxes and boxes of stuff, everything from gauze to big cans of army marked drinking water. There were blood transfusion kits and sewing machines and glass bottles. It was unreal. And every time we went back we would find more stuff.
Pennhurst was sold and the person who bought it runs a haunted house there now. I haven’t been there since. I’ve heard it’s good, and I’ve also read that many find it disrespectful given the place’s history. Ghost hunters go there now to film investigations, which is what brought it up. There’s an investigation filmed there on hulu. But god, I just loved to explore it. I loved uncovering new things and wondering about their purpose, and taking photos. I loved the peacefulness and silence of the place.
a few taken there
Physically I’d have a hard time trying to do the things I did then. Especially before I get my knee operated on. But I loved it and I’d like to do it again before all these places are gone. They’ve been disappearing one by one, and not being replaced. This is it for now.
| An underground lake Quiet splash in the darkness Dread as wet death nears | Sunrise over clouds An empyreal gold glow Gilding the new world |
And a short acrostic
Fetid dissolution
Only dread remains
Ugly brutality of death
Lost chance for change
Julie Shiel 