I’ve been trying to go to sleep earlier because my husband asked me to. I’m not suited to it, but I’m doing it. Some nights my meds will knock me out an hour or so after I come to bed. Other nights it’s much longer. Every night I wake up off and on through the night. I’m trying to get used to getting up earlier as well, but that’s difficult to adjust to also. Raven is up late every night and if I try to wake her before 11 it usually takes a few tries. I guess that will sort itself out when she gets a job.

Tonight I went to bed but there is discord, and I am far from sleep, so here I am. The wind is howling around the house, scaring the animals. Deek looks frightened while Jack is all eyes and ears, waiting to see what’s trying to come through the door. Merlin is indifferent to the weather, as usual. Anyway, I like to feel my husband when I’m laying in bed, even if it’s just a hand resting on his back. Last night we lay together and he held me and said “That’s mine” and it hurt my heart. It hurt because he hasn’t said something like that for so long and it pierced my armor. It gave me hope. After everything that has happened I thought my defenses were tougher than that, but apparently they are not. Just that little gesture and those three words meant a lot to me. I had thoughts of how tonight might go, but things never turn out how you imagine it. I guess all I can do it try a little harder. Enough about that.

.I’m currently reading “American Vampire“, “Dead Mountain“, a book of short stories by Ray Bradbury and re-reading “Blaze” by Stephen King. The first two are holding my attention the most. “Dead Mountain” is about the incident in the Ural Mountains where a hiking group of 9 students were found dead under mysterious circumstances. It’s been fascinating people since it happened, in the 1950s. The book is a good one and I’m about halfway through it. “American Vampire” is great. I’m currently reading Volume 3. Before that, I read the first volume of “Coffin Hill”. I’ve been going through my comics and there are some I want to try to sell. Others I want to re-read at some point, and there are a couple of on-going series that I’m reading. I was taking Raven to the comic book store, but she loses interest, and she doesn’t bring her own money to spend. Maybe when she gets a job we’ll try it again. In the meantime, I need to book our tickets for our Southwest trip. It’s coming up fast and I’m looking forward to it.

Raven wants to be a writer. I tell her that she has to read books, and write, every day, if she wants to be a writer. She’d rather skype with people in California and tumblr. I can’t help but worry about her. I think that comes with the territory though. I’ve been worrying about her, and her brother to an extent, for most of their lives. I want her to have everything. I want her to meet real life friends she can hang out with, a real life love interest, and go to school and get her degree. I want her to be happy and adjusted. I know these things take time, and she has made some progress. Being here has helped but I feel like she’s stuck so I’m trying to get her unstuck.

Goodnight.

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