Forgiveness – nsfw

I haven’t written for a few days. I was supposed to write about forgiveness, and I’ve given it some thought, but I still don’t know what to say.

I know that being angry hurts me, not the person/people I’m angry with. Normally I don’t hold onto that sort of thing for long. I’ve never been one to hold a grudge. Either we talk it out or it fades. I don’t even have anger for my father any more.

However, there is an incident, or series of incidents that I haven’t been able to let go and I’m not sure why. It’s been years now, but it still makes me mad when I think of it. I guess part of it was surprise. My aunt has always claimed to be such a religious person and even though I’ve seen and heard that she doesn’t practice what she preaches, I didn’t know she was so malicious. Her daughter has always been a cunt, if you’ll excuse the language. That’s really the only way to describe her. And then there was the other daughter, who I was once friends with. To find that she had made up this story about my husband and I and then lied to the family about what happened during their discussion didn’t really shock me at that point, just added to it. It was the other two that I cannot forgive. I wouldn’t need to forgive them if I knew I’d never see them again, but unfortunately, they are related so I will see them around my grandmother at some point. If they start pretending to my face, I will call them out on it. I will not put up with their lies. I told my uncle the whole story, the only one who bothers talking to me. Everyone else believed the lies my bitch of an aunt and cunt of a cousin were telling. My aunt sent out my response to the cunt without what she wrote to me for reference, to try to make it look as if I attacked her out of the blue. And she never bothered telling anyone that I had apologized, but kept it going while accusing me of not dropping it. If there is a God, she will have a hell of a lot to answer for.

Ah damn it. This isn’t talking about forgiveness, this is just making me angry again. Apparently I just can’t, or I don’t know how. I think it’s because the  lies they came up with were so outrageous, so incredibly far from the truth, that I was stunned. I have never spread my business across the family, and that included my grandmother. I know how they gossip. So apparently they just made up their own. Damn it. I have to stop.

I’m sorry.

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